The Butterfly Diaries 05 - The Austere Academy

As we headed towards the training completion, it started feeling like we were at an academy going through a rigorous educational program. Classes, attendance, exams, projects – we had it all. I hoped this was more a transition and real work was going to be nothing of this sort.

All my efforts to rally support turned out to be unnecessary when it became clear this lady had no intention whatsoever of exacting revenge upon me. I was so relieved that I did not even care about her contribution on the next one. And we managed to pip the other team at the post yet again.

Next came the final course – Visual Basic. And with it a new kind of trouble. Again, the project team was shuffled and this time we lost that petite girl who had been with us through the two earlier courses. She had been quietly competent and a total team player. Her presence had been so gentle and calming that I had not noticed it until it was gone.

And man! It hit me hard. Especially when I saw her hanging around with her new group – working with them, going out for lunch and laughing at the jokes of this guy in her new group. He was a smooth operator who had a nice friendly manner with an earthy touch that I had found endearing. Till the current moment. Now I was beginning to find him silly, shallow and manipulative. I found myself swinging between fury and melancholy all the time and could no longer lead the way I used to. I seriously needed help.

I turned to the only three people I trusted.

I started with the Visitor who still visited us at the new house. After an initial briefing, he started questioning me with the air of a specialist.

“Does your heart flutter at the mere sight of her?”

“Yes.”

“Are you finding yourself losing interest in most other things?”

“Yes, sir, yes!”

“And are you filled with emptiness during her absence?”

His questions were uncannily on the mark. But did he have a cure?

“I am sorry to say this my friend, but there is no hope for you! I have been living through the same hell for the last four years and you know how I have fared in my academics!”

Next was my Malayali friend. His reaction was more akin to that of a parent.

“Dude. This happens to everyone. Only you are experiencing it way too late and at the wrong point in life. Don’t let it destroy your career.”

And then finally to my schoolmate, who had become a close friend over three projects and had moved in with us. And his reaction could not have been more different.

“I am so happy for you. It is such a beautiful feeling. But no need to rush it. Get to know her better and take time to understand her feelings for you as well as your own feelings.”

I could fully empathize with the father-son duo being advised what to do with their donkey in that fable of old.

Amidst all this chaos I managed to scrape through the Visual Basic project. This time the other team got ahead of us, and the smooth operator was breathing down my neck in the race to be the topper.

Then the announcement came that the teams for the final project, which would combine all the skills we had learnt, would be selected by lots.

I wished there were some pill to temporarily suppress emotions like that Wikoryl tablet mom used to give to suppress a cold during exam time. And then it occurred to me that maybe there was one after all.

I called my schoolmate and the Malayali and told them. “I need you guys to get her on to my team.”

“Dude. You have gone nuts! You will not only get expelled yourself but get us expelled as well!”

But they eventually relented and got the match fixed in my favor. But an unintended side effect was The Saint landing on my team and my Malayali friend on the other.

But in the next few days it became evident that the Wikoryl had not managed to suppress the cold. The mood swings had begun to return. For the academy’s austerity ran to one computer for two, so she had it by day and I by night. However, since the night shifts were a secret, I had to be at office during the day, sitting idly watching her work, letting my emotions wreak havoc on my mind.

And the project was not going well either. The Saint took on the reins and I could not do what I did best. But given my emotional state, I just let him lead. As the days went by, the modules started taking on a life of their own and growing like wild mushrooms. Integrating them was going to be a nightmare. Modules built by people who weren’t talking to each other did not talk to each other either. I began to doubt if we would even pass this final test.

While I had not exactly been a topper at school or college, I had never ever flunked a course either. Was this going to be that first time? This was hardly the transition I had hoped for at work. Was there some way to avoid such a fate?